Nonviolence in the Face of Rape: Possible?
When folks find out that I am a pacifist it is virtually inevitable that they will ask me this hypothetical question: “What if someone broke into your house and tried to rape your wife, how could you not get violent then?” I admit that I have struggled with this question and others like it. The realization that difficult situations like this so often move beyond the realm of hypothetical into the realm of reality for so many people makes me regularly revisit my pacifist views with new suspicions. Nonetheless, I keep coming back to the person and teachings of Jesus and hearing his call to nonviolent, redeeming love. Here is one way that this very difficult scenario may play out, and this story is not merely notional, it is the real life experience of a woman who demonstrated the non-violent and redemptive love of Jesus while protecting her chastity.
Rather than destruction of enemies, the Christian ethic calls for their conversion and counts on enough love on my part to facilitate the process….
I was awakened late one night several years ago by a man kicking open the door to my bedroom. The house was empty. The phone was downstairs. He was somewhat verbally abusive as he walked over to my bed. I could not find his eyes in the darkness but could see the outline of his form. As I lay there, felling a fear and vulnerability I had never before experienced, several thoughts ran through my head – all in a matter of seconds. The first was the uselessness of screaming. The second was the fallacy of having a gun hidden under your pillow. Somehow I could not imagine this man standing patiently while I reached under my pillow for my gun. the third thought, I believe, saved my life. I realized with a certain clarity that either he and I made it through this situation safely – together- or we would both be damaged. Our safety was connected. If he raped me he would be hurt as well. If he went to prison, the damage would be greater. That thought disarmed me. It freed me from my own desire to lash out and at the same time from my paralysis. It did not free me from the feelings of fear but from fear’s control over my ability to respond. I found myself acting out of concern for both my own safety which caused me to react with a certain firmness but with surprisingly little hostility in my voice.
I asked him what time it was. He answered. That was a good sign. I commented that his watch and the clock on my night table had differnt times. His said 2:30, mine said 2:45. I had just set mine. I hope his watch wasn’t broken. When the atmosphere began to calm a little I asked him how he had gotten into the house. He’d broken through the glass in the back door. I told him that presented me with a problem as I did not have the money to buy new glass. He talked about some financial difficlties of his own. We talked until we were no longer strangers and I felt it was safe to ask him to leave. He didn’t want to; said he had no place to go. Knowing I did not have the physical power to force him out I told him firmly but respectfully, as equal to equal, I would give him a clean set of sheets but he would have to make his own bed downstairs. He went downstairs and I sat up in bed, wide awake and shaking for the rest of the night. The next morning we ate breakfast together and he left.
Several things happened that night. I allowed someone who I was afraid of to become human to me and as a result I reacted in a surprisingly human way to him. That caught him off guard. Apparently his scenario had not included a social sense of balance. By that time the vibes were all wrong for violence. Whatever had been motivating him was sidetracked and he changed his mind.
Through the effects of prayer, meditation, training and the experience of lesser kinds of assault, I had been able to allow what I call a context for conversion to emerge.*
This is just one story of many in which non-violent love set both the potential victim and assailant free and allowed them to find more of their humanity. I especially love the line “the vibes were all wrong for violence.” Isn’t this at least part of our call, to engender a world, where the kingship of Jesus can change the vibes making them all wrong for violence and all right for justice and peace? I believe it is, and I know that it may not always work and will often be costly and dangerous, but I also know that because of the resurrection of Christ it is both imperative and worthwhile.
*Originally from Angie O’Gorman, “Defense Through Disarmament: Nonviolence and Personal Assault,” The Universe Bends Toward Justice, ed. Angie O’Gorman, (Philadelphia, Pa.: New Society Publishers, 1990). Found in From Christ to the World: Introductory Readings in Christian Ethics, edited by Wayne G. Boulton, Thomas D. Kennedy, and Allen Verhey.
Tags: Angie O'Gorman, Nonviolence, Rape, redemptive love
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July 12, 2009 at 6:10 pm
I was wondering about abortion? Some say that rape is an excuse for abortion, which would be violence in the face of rape. If someone entered my house and posed a threat to my family, I would not allow them to remain. If that had to result in violence then so be it, because I have been called to protect my family and love my enemies. To allow my enemies to engage in sin is to be an enabler, that is not love, that is apathy.
July 12, 2009 at 6:19 pm
I am not entirely sure how you are trying to fit abortion into this. I certainly would not be a person who believes that abortion is an acceptable way to deal with an unwanted pregnancy, even if it is a result of rape.
I would ask though, which call is greater to love your enemies or protect your family? It seems to me that the former is clearly trumps the latter, as it came out of the mouth of Jesus. Not to mention, his redefinition of family as those who follow him instead of those who share a biological connection. You know as well as I do that refusing violence is hardly apathy. We neither “allow” them to engage in sin nor take away their humanity by hurting or demeaning them. We find creative ways to try and love them redemptively. This is the only way that we can hope to share the life-changing power of Jesus with them. Choosing to hurt them takes away this possibility.
July 13, 2009 at 9:51 pm
That is a great story for sure, but you said their were many like this, could you post the many more that you have. It truly is a great story, but at the same time would the bible condemn her if she simply used her physical stature to disarm the man but not kill him? but just enough to get away?
July 15, 2009 at 8:29 am
GP, I cant post them but you can find them in books like Mark Kurlansky’s “Nonviolence: Twenty-five Lessons From the History of a Dangerous Idea,” Voice of the Martyrs “Jesus Freaks,” the writings of Shane Claiborne and Dorothy Day, and the of course the lives of Jesus, MLK, and Gandhi. Thats just for starters of course…
July 15, 2009 at 9:54 am
Justin, I often fear this kind of violence, being that we live in a neighborhood that often lends itself to fear. I’m 100% with you on this, and I appreciate this example of a real life person who successfully countered her assailant, redefining him as a child of God. I would hope that I could react similarly; although, I am unsure of myself and my quick thinking abilities all too often. Anyway, thanks for thinking about these things and encouraging us to at least think about them too, even if not everyone agrees at first.
July 15, 2009 at 11:08 am
Rogue you didn’t answer the question, if she used enough violence to get away but not kill the man, would the Bible condemn her?
GP 238
July 15, 2009 at 1:23 pm
Condemn her, no. Condemn the violence, yes.
July 15, 2009 at 6:11 pm
Thanks for the post. To say that violence is the only option in the face of violence and evil demonstrates our loss of creativity and imagination. Since I have never been in a situation like this and hope not to be, I am not sure what this creativity looks like. Yet there has to be more than two options in the face of violence and injustice–doing nothing or violence. The Cross demands that we find another way. In his life, death and resurrection, Jesus puts an end to the cycle of violence. I think we need to look at Jesus life from a new angle to understand the creative option to violence and injustice.
July 15, 2009 at 8:05 pm
I’m not saying we should always go violence first. But the problem is how does the Bible condemn the violence but not the person commiting the violence? the question at hand rogue is, would the women be committing sin if she used enough violence to get away and call the cops but not kill the intruder?
GP238
July 15, 2009 at 8:11 pm
I have no need to get into legalistic debates about the “what if’s” of a hypothetical situation. I am more interested in the normative response of Christians in Scripture and early church history; that response is a nonviolent one. The motivation of self-preservation is sinful, but I could never judge one’s intentions or motivations. So if she was simply motivated by self-preservation or fear then I think an act of violence would indeed be sin. However, if she somehow had purer intentions of treating the attacker as a child of God with the intention of acting redemptively toward him then I am so sure whether the act of violence is sinful or not.
July 16, 2009 at 12:31 pm
how is it a hypothetical when the situation plays itself out every day? secondly, with regard to the no violence ever posistion how would one reconcile say the first gentile convert cornelius, who was a roman centurion, but upon him becoming a Christian there is no command for him to give up his soldiership? or Romans 13 when it says
“For rulers are not a cause of fear for good behavior, but for evil. Do you want to have no fear of authority? Do what is good and you will have praise from the same: for it is a minister of God to you for good. But if you do what is evil, be afraid; for it does not bear the sowrod for nothing; for it is a minister of God, an avenger who brings wrath on the one who practices evil” does that not say that the government has the right, if justly to bear the sword?
GP 238
P.S. I just want it to be made perfectly clear that i am not a violence first or war first advocate, I just think God gives us room to defend ourselves.
July 18, 2009 at 5:12 pm
It is naive and insulting to say that women won’t be raped if only they say the right words. I’ve also heard that if a woman doesn’t struggle, it isn’t *really* rape.
The type of non-violence you describe only works when the aggressor is not determined to act or be violent. Ghandi and MLK Jr, were only able to be effective through non-violence because the organization/people/gvts they opposed were not intent upon killing every person who rebelled. There may have been some individual violence, but neither of the governments or the people supporting those governments were willing to kill every single person who opposed their will. Thus, the non-violent approach could work.
Would non-violence work in Taliban Afghanistan, the drug wars in Mexico or in Anbar province (during the worst Al Qaeda activity)?
It’s also naive to think that Ted Bundy or Jeffery Dahmer could have been stopped from killing people if only their victims pleaded for their lives.
If a man truly intent upon raping someone had broken into that house, no amount of chit chat would have helped. In fact, it could have gotten her killed.
If, as you seem to think, God says that self-defense is immoral, then your God is immoral–and not really all that concerned with the continuation of his religion–or followers. My right to defend myself and my family is sacrosanct.
You say that you wouldn’t use violence to defend yourself or your wife. Fine, she’s an adult in charge of her own life and can choose to be with someone who she knows wouldn’t defend her., but what about a child? Would you use violence to stop a man in the process of raping or killing your child?
I’m not advocating unprovoked violence, but the idea of non-violence in the face of determined adversaries is the kind of thinking that results is death and lots of brutalized pacifists.
Stories like this sound good in a sermon, but they aren’t realistic and can endanger people.
The only way for pacifists to exist is for others to do the violence for them or to threaten to do the violence for them, whether personally, through a kind of “group vaccination” threat of self-defense existing in a population or through organized forces, such as police, soldiers, government agencies.
Hey, girls! Forget self-defense classes; instead, memorize Joel Osteen and hope that you aren’t mute!
July 20, 2009 at 7:58 am
I’m just checking to see what happened to my original comment. Did you not see it, or do you not want to post it for some reason?
Do you really believe that it’s wrong for women to defend themselves against rapists?
If women do fight back, do you think they are sinning? Who is the greater sinner–the rapist or the woman defending herself? Does she go to hell? Do you think that rape awareness groups who sponsor self-defense classes–or in any way endorse self-defense–are sinful or going against God’s wishes?
What about a child who doesn’t have the required verbal skills to convince a pedophile not to rape him or her?
What about the physically/mentally handicapped who can’t speak well enough to stop the rape? Are the handicapped and children just out of luck and will either get raped or go against God’s word and potentially go to hell? Or for that matter, what about non-handicapped women who just don’t have the verbal dexterity to outwit a rapist? Too bad for them, I guess.
If you didn’t see the initial comment, let me know, and I’ll re-submit. If you did see it and didn’t let it through moderation, I’d like to know why.
August 9, 2009 at 9:47 pm
I consider myself to be a pacifist as well, but if my husband saw me being raped and didn’t kick the detestable human being’s ass and get him off of me, he would not be my husband for much longer.
AND, if someone tried to rape me or hurt someone – ANYONE, not just my friends or family – in that way or a similar one, I would not just harm him to protect myself or someone else. I would MESS – HIM – UP.
I sure hope that man in the story didn’t go on to rape tons of other women, since the woman didn’t report him.
It sounds nice in theory, Justin. Thanks for challenging our thoughts.
September 9, 2009 at 7:22 am
Serenity, I assure you my position is not naive. It may be insulting but it is certainly not naive because I am not proposing that this type of action is guaranteed to prevent someone from getting raped. However, violence is not guaranteed to work either. I am simply proposing that deontologically speaking, using violence in any situation against another person is inherently wrong and that we must continue to search for creative nonviolent solutions to the world’s problems and even our own situations, no matter how dire.
As far as Gandhi and MLK were concerned I would reread a bit about them and their situations. They were both absolute pacifists, meaning that they believed violence was wrong in all times and in all places. Also, there were those, especially in Gandhi’s case, in the government, that were trying to annihilate any opposition.
I also think you are asking the wrong question. The question shouldnt be “will nonviolence work.” It should be “is it right or wrong to use violence.” I have personally concluded that violence is wrong and therefore it isnt a matter of how effective nonviolent action will be, but a matter of doing the right thing or choosing to do good not evil. With that said, I do think nonviolent measures could be extremely useful and successful in all the situations that you mentioned, but unfortunately so few people are trained in nonviolent tactics that our default is to assume that use of violence is the best choice.
Finally, I realize that this is incredibly dangerous thinking, but I contend that it is right thinking and Christlike thinking. It may cost me my life and the lives of my family, but I believe that it is still simply the right mode of living, albeit never an easy one.
Emma, I dont claim to fully understand your pain from your own situations, but I can say that I have experienced abuse and that my gut reaction is to want to beat the hell out of someone when I hear about a rape or similar act. I cant say that if this situation came up in my life that I would be able to live by my principles or that I woulndt beat the bloody hell out of the person, but I can say that it is my hearts desire to live as I see Jesus lived be peaceable to all people even my worst enemies. I ask and hope for God’s strength in a situation like this because I know I cant do it on my own.